Poetic Tuesday: In this moment of stillness

Since becoming a mother, I had to reevaluate many things. One of them was how I perceive time and what I consider time well spent.

Before having a baby, I spent hours binge-watching Netflix after work. I was so stressed and emotionally exhausted that I had no energy to do anything else. Although I found it frustrating as I wanted to create and use my evening for something more ambitious, I believed collapsing on the sofa after working all day was acceptable. So I did just that. I also thought that chores could wait because I was tired. And I didn’t feel guilty about it too much.

Now, I am a stay-at-home mum. It is hard work, too. But for some reason, I have more mental and emotional space in my head to create, to make magical things. Not every day, though. There are still “I don’t want to do anything” days. But it’s not the point I am trying to make. My son has been a contact breastfeeding napper, so I had to stay with him during his nap. In the beginning, I felt guilty. I don’t have a day job, so I should have tidied the house, done the chores, or cooked dinner. But I stayed in bed, cuddled up with my son and the cat, reading a book or listening to music—all my favourite things. Everybody’s needs were met – my sons for closeness and safety, my cats for some attention, and mine for rest and a bit of healthy escapism with a good book. I realised that this break gave me that mental and emotional strength to create and be active later in the day. The chores got done in the end (I have an amazing family, and we work together to look after the house; one of us looks after E. while another tidies or cooks, for example. We also include E. in doing chores as much as possible and age-appropriate, so he learns to be a part of the team from a very young age: he was in his sling washing floors with me when he was little, and now we feed dirty socks to the washing machine monster together – but this a story for a Parenting Thursday post), and I got to be more creative in the evenings when E. was sleeping – writing or needle-felting instead of binge-watching tele every night. I still do, sometimes, but not as much as before.

Being still for an hour or so makes miracles. It doesn’t matter if one is a parent or not; a moment of stillness is refreshing, regenerating, and recharging for everyone. Being a mum helped me realise it. And I am grateful for that. I let go of the guilt and enjoy our daily naps while they last. They are slowly ending, but I hope we can incorporate a quiet time for connection and relaxation later. Yes, half an hour of quiet time (or even 10 minutes if we are super busy) is what we all deserve.

Here, I share a poem I wrote in those early days of motherhood, which I like to return to whenever I feel guilty about taking a break, entitled “In this moment of stillness”:

With a baby

in the crook of my arm,

I am

in this moment

of stillness.


Tucked in

with a blanket of love, 

I am

in this moment

of stillness.


Immersed into

the essence of life,

I am

in this moment 

of stillness.


I take a breath

and let go

all the musts and dos,

I am

in this moment

of stillness.


I enjoy the time

passing

in slow motion

in this moment

of stillness. 


I am. 


The greatest gift -

this moment

of stillness.

Z dzieckiem

w ramionach,

jestem obecna

w tej chwili 

nicnierobienia. 


Przykryta 

kocem miłości,

jestem obecna

w tej chwili

nicnierobienia. 


Zanurzona

w esencji życia,

jestem obecna

w tej chwili 

nicnierobienia.
 

Biorę oddech

i odpuszczam

wszystkie rozkazy i nakazy,

jestem obecna

w tej chwili

nicnierobienia.
 

Cieszę się czasem,

który przemija

w zwolnionym tempie

w tej chwili 

nicnierobienia. 


Jestem obecna.


Najpiękniejszy prezent -

ta chwila

nicnierobienia.